The One

The air was frigid, suffocating even and the worst thing is that it was killing nobody but you. He looked better with his eyes shining, his face glowing, and his hand well, now they don't harbor the self inflicted anxious scars made by digging his nails into his palm - no he was better and for some reason, even if it shouldn't have, it made you feel bitter. Perhaps, the reason for this foreign emotion is because you expected him to grieve you leaving him longer or maybe you were expecting him to chase you again, just like he used to. The bubble of unknown wave of nauseting disappointment cripple inside you as he sat there, chairs away from you infront of her. It was funny to be honest because in the end you were right about her wanting him and thinking she could treat him better, and if you ask Johnny he would've said yes. Yes she took care of him better, her love was easy and he was treated like the most precious jewel to her but she didn't love him like you.

If you were any closer to him you would've seen the slight forced in his smile, his laughter's tone was off, and his eyes constantly roaming the area - as if looking for something. Even after months of not seeing you, he still tries to catch you in the crowd as the new supposed love he had cling unto him. He should be grateful really, after you left him claiming to needing space but unlike the other times - you didn't come back. No, you just disappeared from him like a swift bittersweet dream or nightmare because when the reality of you leaving him a with the door ajar in this home he built for you. He died many deaths after that realization but even he was done with letting your ghost still hold the strings to his everything so he picked up pieces of himself you didn't take with you and tried to move away from your shadow. He thought as time passed and he got used to this woman who stared at him like he hung the stars to her universe, he would eventually forget you but alas, he was still a fool. As when your eyes met in this bustling cafe in the crack of dawn, just like the early morning/late night caffeine runs you used to have, his world stopped. As did yours.


It was like the orbit of the world came to an abrupt stop, the air was still, the chatter of the patriots of the cafe became a mumble in the background and all there is was you. It felt like hours before you relucantly look away from him, as if you weren't done memorising his every being yet which was a lie that was only known to you. You used to trace his features every morning from the tall curve of his nose to the flutter of his eyelashes and his plump lips, it was funny now because back then you never thought of being away from that man but here you are now - meters away from him, longing and softly aching but then again you don't have the right to after leaving him hanging.

What was the reason? Well, it was simple really he started to remind you of someone you thought he never would be like - your father. It started with the small things you know like the overcritique of your favourite things, the smothering affection after every wrongs he had done, the cold lashes of guilt he made you feel when thigns started to get rough with his tears - you couldn't do it. Why didn't you say anything? How could you, you thought that time, there were no words that could express the disappointment, anger, resentment, and shame brewing inside you. The disappointment of him turning into this way, the anger of letting things get this bad, the resentment of his every touch and being, and the shame of somehow, still loving him despite of everything. So you did what you thought was best, you left.

"Hi stranger" a voice woke you from your thoughts. There he was, the man of the hour standing as tall and glorious as he used to - Johnny Suh.

"Hello. I didn't expect to see you here" you replied, your voice didn't waver like you expected it to and for a moment you bask in being in his presence again. He still used the same cologne you gifted him during your last aniversary.

"I know, I think yo never expected to see me again actually. Sorry for approaching you so suddenly, but can we talk? I think you owe me a bit Chrissha" he said in an even voice, suprisingly you weren't the only one that got better with lying because here he was, shamelessly inviting himself in the seat in front of you, acting all aloof and calm when his heart was thundering in his chest because God, did he missed those almond eyes. You still wore the pendant he gave you during the last birthday you both celebrated together.

"Do I have a choice?" this time, your eyes were sharp and piercing to him. There was the defensiveness that used to drive him crazy.
"You always had a choice, just like you did walking out wihtout a word or I don't know maybe a note? What did I do to deserve this?" he leaned closer, his arms wresting on the table as he asked these questions. You can almost feel his warmth, the one yo used to drown yourself into.

"It was for the better, Johnny. Besides you don't even look that hung up to what we used to be. Looking back at it now, we were really something don't you think so?" all your armor present, you stared at him with your impenetrable walls ever so clear in them.

"We would've more than something but that wasn't part of your plan was it? Just like how you don't plan on answering any of my questions. I guess what I did was so horrendous I didn't even deserved to hear the reason why the love of my life packed their bags and half of my soul with you." now that was new, venom in his tone directed to you? Well, it seems like you weren't the only one whose walls grew back with thorns.

"I was the love of your life?" yeah, that was a very stupid question, you knew that and yet it still poked inside you like an annoying feeling of hope.

"You were. You used to be but then you just-" he was starting to open up when his gates closed with the sound of hurried footsteps towards the both of you.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt but babe, we really have to go-Oh. Hi, Chrissha." her voice sounded like nails on the chalkboard to you, her presence made the dull ache inside of you throb like an old gunshot wound.

"Hi, you. It's nice to see that I was right all along" you just couldn't help it, can you? There was a little bit of satisfaction with the way she avoided your gaze like a meek liitle rat. 

"For your information, we just started dating-" johnny tried to defend his honor and loyalty to you before.

"I didn't ask. It's sweet, at least I left something for you both I guess" bitter, you were like a bitter gourd with your words making them both wince.

"Don't act like you were a saint Chrissa." ah finally, her true colors showed.

"Is there a problem here?" a new voice familiar to you appeared behind the couple you were dicing in your mind. Oh, so this was who you left him for? He was trying so hard to bite back all the questions he had because he knew, it would be futile to corner you like this so he bit his tongue because he knew you more than anybody had.

"It's nothing love, just old friends. We're best to get going first, Leah's engagement party is in an hour" you said, hurriedly collecting your things and standing up to this genlteman who snaked his arms to your waist as soon as you were close in distance.
"Oh hi! I'm Hendery, Issha's fiance nice to meet you"

Oh the tomb of burried pain was unleashed, fiance? So fast after him? Was he just something so replaceable in a matter of months? It took him years to be someone you love, but this guy was just months in and you were getting married? To him? But he couldn't do anything now can he? All he can do is stand there, smile at this man who you seem love more than you used to love him, and this time, watch you leave him. The heavy feeling in his chest was back yet again as he couldn't help but think, he could've been the one.