Ready to Love

                         

Summary: Hendery Wong wasn’t looking for love, he (a liberal arts major) was looking for a physics tutor because of his determined physics teacher endangering his scholarship and chance at a prestigious gallery show but because of the cute and seemingly (but not really) angry business administration major his plans, feelings, and even his dreams starts to shift - was this his karma for calling someone a nerd when they said the universe works in mysterious ways?

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HENDERY is a normal man but the shit that came out of his mouth was anything but. It makes sense because after all he was one of the famed contemporary artist in the college of fine arts, a prodigy was what they call him and you know what they say about prodigies and geniuses having a weird quirk as a payment for their greatness? Well, his was the fact that nobody seems to take him seriously. An example would be his physics professor who looked shocked when he started flunking in the class after he told her that physics wasn't his strongest suit. 

"Mr. Wong, I am speechless. In all of my years in NCIT, I have never encountered a student who reached such a low score even after further studying aids." Dr. Linaya, one of the university's top professor known for her drive to make students at least like her hard subject. 

"Professor, I'm sorry. I tried my best but just as I have told you during the start of the class, I couldn't grasp the concepts and apply them like I should. I apologize for wasting your time Dr. Linaya" he bowed and ready himself to leave. Another one of his flaws is that he grew up apologizing so many times, often opting to keep his opinions kept inside his mind. 

"Wait Hendery, you're a bright student and I know you can do so much better than this. Not to mention, I heard about your scholarship! I could just not do anything about this. For a moment." She said as she rummaged through her bag, after a while she retrieves an index card and a notepad and started writing something while talking.

"Here, this is the number of one of my great students this semester. Her name is Chrissha, she is already oriented on the tutoring and is only waiting for further details from you. I believe in you Hendery, don't give up okay?" After she said those last words, she glanced at the young man who seemed to be in a daze in front of her. Patting his arm, she left the note in his hands and started to leave. He stood there in an empty classroom as his breath hitch, soon the tears started racing down his face. 

"That, that was a first huh?" he said as he looked above to the ceilings to stop the tears from falling.  Couple of deep breathes after, he looked at the note and started walking out of the empty lecture hall. Although sullen because of having to remain still in his least favorite subject, he couldn't help but feel a bit happy. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all. 

IT WAS BAD — a terrible idea this was. He should have listened to his gut and not attend this session because here he is sitting on one of the corner tables of Shelves & Jazz, his favorite coffee and jazz place, unable to enjoy the atmosphere and the music because of the woman brooding in front of him. He swore that he had never seen anyone ruffle through papers so aggressively.  You were cussing in your mind, he was sure of that. 

"Well. Look's like we'll have a lot of work ahead of us." you said in a calm manner while your face held a smile. That smile was obviously for pretense but God, weren't you just beautiful. He wonders for a moment how much more beautiful you'd look with a genuine one on your face.

"It's okay, if Dr. Linaya sees potential in you then you're the chance. I hope. Let's get started shall we?" not even looking at him again, you grabbed your notebooks and a yellow pad paper along with your physics book. 

And thus, the sweetest form of torture he has ever felt began. In those 4 hours of tutoring, he found himself amazed because of how he can actually understand the concepts and follow the flow of the lecture. He did get a bit distracted though and he had himself to blame to that as his mind wanders to the sweet scent of your perfume or to the quirk of your eyebrows whenever he tells you a cheesy physics pick up line. He found out little tidbits of information about you other than your name, one is that his tutor is into the same musicals as him. They both bonded over that, ranting on how the story could've been better or how it could've ended in a different way to leave the audience wanting more. He however, unlike the unsatisfied audience, realized that he wanted more of you. He knew you was deliberately berating him with your words and while most days he would've probably walked out by now, there was just something so different whenever that air of arrogance surrounded you. It made you look intimidating, like you knew you were above him and that, intrigued him very much. Just like that, you both parted ways with mixed emotions in your hearts. Not bad for a first meeting with the fate.

The next day, Hendery finished his classes early and decided to go to the library and do his favorite hobby — search the subject. This hobby of his started fairly young when he saw a an old man dancing under the rain, it moved something inside of him he didn't expected and 'til now he hasn't felt that full blown tingles on his hands to grab his sketchbook yet. So whenever he feels bored, he goes anywhere to try and clear his mind. Which is why as soon as he arrived at the enormous library, he plopped on his seat on his place like he owns it (probably). As he was settles down, has looked for his next subject when his eyes locked with a small girl. He knew her from one of his classes, he remembered the girl telling him his art lacks heart. He was so offended he called her a "Madam Awring wanna be" and a nerd for telling him he will find his heart someday. With these unpleasant memories resurfacing, he started to pack his things again, no longer in the mood to sketch. 

And thus, the universe seemingly mocked him as he saw her came into his view, his heart beating fast and on cue his knees starts to weaken. He took a seat again, just staring and watching as you walk to the very same girl he was just having a staring contest with. He looked at the midget again, only to see her with a smug grin as she beacons you over to whisper something. For some reason he got nervous, she wasn't even looking at him while she was whispering so he can't be the topic right? As his luck would have it, the both of  you started gathering your things and then you took the first step in his direction that was followed by another and another until you were nearing his location.  

"Hi. Fancy seeing you here." said your midget friend with that stupid grin still on her face. 

"Not really Ems, this is a library after all there's nothing fancy about this place. I want to ask you something Hendery. Can we sit with you?" you asked. Your tone might look polite but your eyes were anything but. He liked your eyes, they were always honest. 

"Yeah, sure. What do you want to ask me?" he ask the question as you both stared deep into him. 

He felt judged if he was being honest and that girl Em, as you call her, lost her teasing smile and made her face an unreadable blank which kind of made him nervous. Yours was more terrifying, eyes almost in a slit like a jaguar waiting for her prey. He was waiting for the attack as the tension of the silence builds up, his heart was racing and he couldn't look at the both of you in the eyes. Until suddenly, you both looked at each other and giggled like schoolgirls. It was shocking seeing giggle with your nose crunched and your head thrown back, trying to silence yourself. He was in utter confusion until you explained the little revenge plan the girl beside you whispered to you earlier. He gave you a playful glare. 

"Wow, it's like I'm not even here. You still good there buddy?" she annoyingly tilt her head to the side while her gaze switch from him to you. 

"Stop embarrassing yourself, M.A" he replied to her, rolling his eyes playfully 

"M.A? I wasn't aware you had a son na Ems" you were amused at the scene of this strange man behaving so differently from your memory of him yesterday. 

"Shut up Wong. Call me M.A again and I'll draw dicks on your sketches " she said holding up a mechanical pencil as a threat. 

"Madam Awring, calm down please. You need to watch your blood pressure" humor was present on his tone. He didn't expect to enjoy the presence of two complete strangers but just before he could feel like he couldn't enjoy it more did he hear your laughter. It was like bells, ringing in the air and he was stuck in a trance. His fingers move and before he knows it, your smile was outlined in his sketchbook. From the knowing look he is receiving it was evident he was caught,  but he couldn't even deny how unreal you made him feel. The three of you continued the little bickering and even had lunch together, his treat he said, and there friendship blossomed under the fluorescent light of Aunty Hilda's Unli-Chicken Wings.  

THE FOLLOWING DAYS turned into weeks until he didn't notice that a few months have passed. You have that super power to make him forget about the ticking of the clock. He remembered the time you aggressively pulled him to sit down and have him eat lunch after hearing him skip it for almost a week, he couldn't stop the fond grin from spreading on his face as you made him order. It was just a week of being with you but the way you both fit almost fooled him into thinking you've both known each other for years. You both just fit so seamlessly into each other's life it was insane. His sweater fits you like a glove, you looked so snug and comfortable, just the thought of you in his clothes makes his mind wander to mornings with you, possibly even more than just morning even. He felt like he had a place in your heart when you formally introduced him to your friends, he already knew Em of course, his nemesis, but Lee was a wild card - he enjoyed their presence, they were funny and all of you had so much fun that day. It was insane how close he was to you in a span of such a short time. Do you want to know what made it more insane? He got better grades in physics, he was supposed to tell you about it today but he couldn't reach you. Maybe you were just tired? 

"You were blowing up my phone 'Dery, are you okay?" A voice ever so familiar to him call out from behind, and there you are. As beautiful under the sun as you can be. 

"How was heaven when you left it angel?" he blurted out while you stood there shocked then appalled and it was followed by his favorite sound in the world, your laughter. He couldn't resist the temptation and snap a quick photo of you laughing under the the Ilang-ilang tree the sun shining golden rays on your face, just like the one he took of you in Intramuros, an impromptu outing. 

"Hey! Lemme see the photo." you told him as he went and tried to avoid you. 

"No, you'll just delete it! I know you angel!" he held his phone up, a childish gesture that made you  jump up and try to get it. You wrestle with him for a bit until he let his guard down and you had the chance to get his phone, which wasn't his phone but a piece of paper. 

"What's this? An art gallery show? Oh wow, this is big 'Dery. Your name is on there!" you excitedly pointed out his name on the ticket that you missed the fond look in his eyes, glossing as they stare at you. 

"Oh, uhm, yeah. It's our final thesis and we were told to invite special people so, I thought of you. It's on the 9th of February" he was watching your face as he spoke these words, noting how your face fell when he said the date, "But, it's a two day show so I can just get you the ticket for the second day?" he tried once again, hoping. 

"Dude, I'm sorry. I'm super busy on the 9th and 10th, I have this important emergency and I don't know if I could even check in for a bit. Sorry" his face fell, but he quickly smiled again as he hears your apologetic tone. 

"It's fine 'Shang, don't worry about it. Just tell me f you can come yeah? I'll wait for you" he said as he stared deeply into you. 

"Oi, watch your language stupid!" a hit to the arm in company with her amused chuckles was what he received after what he said, it was a joke to you. It was fine. He was fine. 

He really didn't want to overthink it. That was the mantra that was repeating in his mind as he paced in his art studio, the sound of the plastic rustling on the mahogany floors was what covered the room as he walked back and forth, barefooted. In his hands lay the acceptance letter from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, his scholarship has been approved and his participation to the college's finest and most prestigious art gallery was already in play but why, he asks himself, why does he still feel empty? He had been looking forward for this opportunity, heck this was the reason why he got you as a tutor. Oh. He was fucked wasn't he? With the new found determination to release this new discovery out of his chest, he got into the canvas. Hues of red, pink, blue, and white were a blur as his hands get busy - trying to capture you in his heart. Alas, the sun was already shinning up high when he finished, it was 6 am on the day of the show. He had to get ready soon, but he couldn't walk away from his canvas. Finally, he had done something that justifies your beauty. 

As the day progressed, he put on his best tux and crafted the perfect smile as he endured the empty hallowness he was feeling. No matter the praise or the compliments that he was welcomed with could make him feel better. Until he saw a group of people surrounding a painting of his. It was you, swimming in the ocean under the sun with a beautiful smile on a face covered by daisies. It was his favourite piece entitled, "Aphrodite Afloat".  

"She looks unreal!" Said one random visitor and the others agreed. A little bit of pride blossomed in his chest as he hears the praise on his Aphrodite was made. He replies with short words of denial when asked how much did he exaggerated, he only said that his muse that inspired him. 

"Excuse me everybody. Mr. Wong, please follow me" said his adviser for the event. 

As he went with him silently, his guide was singing praises anout his art. Asking him if anything was on sale or not before he could answer, the door opened and in came an unbelievably tall man. 

"You must be Mr. Hendery Wong? I'm Johnny Suh, nice to meet you" the man said as they were welcomed inside. They sat on the love seat as they discuss shallow properties of art and what not. He was starting to get impatient. 

"Me. Wong, Mr. Suh is a son of the alumni and an alumni himself. Truly one pf the brightest student our university had" pleasantries voming out of his adviser's mouth.

"Mr. Suh, can we perhaps go straight to the point?" Hendery's mind was in a frenzy, the longer he was away from the gallery. The more anxious he was that you were going to be there, he might miss your visit. 

"Alright, straight to the point! I like that. I make an offer to a specific piece. The one titled Aphrodite Afloat. I want that one" the man had a fond look on his face as he recounts the painting. 

"I'm sorry, that's not for sale" he said as he looked down, "That piece is too special to put a price on it" he met the other's gaze. 

"Not even for let's say, 15 million pesos?" the way the man looked at him with urgency made him feel uncomfortable. "I understand that painting is something special, that is also the reason why I'm willing to spend money." the man explained. 

"Why? Why do you want to have it so bad, Johnny? Can I call you that?" he straighten up as he asks. 

"The painting, the name itself - it was like you rip right through the pages of my mind. The love of my life has the same gorgeous smile, I feel at peace whenever I'm with her and that was something your painting gave me. It was almost like her prescence was preserved. Like the sun, moon, and stars were all in one canvas. It honors her in many ways I know she deserves and more. Besides, we don't see each other much due to our age gap so I'd like to have even the slightest compensation for the loneliness the distance gives me. You understand right?" the man, Johnny, said as his eyes held that familiar beam. He knew that feeling, to have someone in your heart and hold it the same but the difference was his feelings weren't reciprocated yet. He wonders if he would be at ease like this man in front of him is. 

"You said 15 million right?" that offer was tempting, with 15 million he can try and have a business or something and he doesn't have to go away and leave you, "I'll give it to you, with the condition that you need to take careful care of this okay? This is my heart in a canvas, be gentle with it please" and so he watched as the guy, Johnny Suh, pulled the widest grin he has ever seen in a man's face. 

"Oh wow, this is an honor. Thank you Mr. Wong or Hender? Can I call you that?" he nooded in response to the question of the other, "I'm sure she would love it as much as I do!" johnny quickly got his check book out and wrote the amount and gave it to his assistant. After paying, johnny stood up and proceeded to go infront of him and shook his hand. 

Hendery felt the world was whole once again. He left that room fifteen million richer and now he can start planning for his future with you or at least that was on his mind. He went out of the gallery, still joyous for the prospect of being able to finally set his life on track when his phone rang and your name lit up. He was overjoyes, it was like the universe was telling him it was meant to be. He picked up the phone and your melodious voice welcomes him, congratulating him and saying how his pieces were amazing, you dropped by for a bit and only saw the front part. It was a shame that you couldn't see the ending, that painting he dedicated for you but he can always just send the photo to you or even have you see it before he ships it out. His sadden when you cut the call short, he wanted to tell you more things, wanting to be in your presence even if it's only your voice he can hear but alas, he lets you go. 

As he took a breather, observing the people that comes and goes the gallery from the balcony of the building, he saw a glimpse of you in the parking lot near by. He was taken aback, even distance couldn't take away your glow. He fished out his phone, wanting to call you again when a car nears you and a tall man in a familiar suit got down to escort you. The beating of his heart sped up again but this time, it wasn't fluttering, it was the kind that feels like a heart a ttack was going to happen. He watched, from afar as you both kissed in front of everybody. Breaking his every being, piece by piece. One by one, you stomped on it as the you hooked your arm with someone that was not him. He couldn't go back to the gallery, no, he couldn't go back to that place where pieces of himself, his heart was scattered with pieces of you inside. How can he go back to the place he crafted for you when his most tresured and everything made him feel like he was worthless and nothing? 

ALAS, IT WASN'T PRETTY - the fall from grace of a man so high up in the clouds, he should've learned from Icarus. To reach for something so unattainable as the sun will only burn your wings after all. He was no winged-angel but he loves you and the moment he saw that happiness and adoration you held for, as his terrible luck would have it, the man who took his most precious painting. The universe was laughing at him, he just knew. This the karma to when he laughed at love and its existence, Eros was teaching him a lesson so painful he chose to leave after graduation in a hurry with no goodbye, he packed his suit case and went to Chicago. Nursing his broken heart through the smell of oil paint and the sound of his heart breaking again and again as his work anthem. He proceeds push himself more and more as news of your engangement reached him. It should've been him but he was too slow, he found out threw your common friends that you both started dating the day you and him just met. His was cursed to be without you, well not reall because you were friends before he left and you both still check on each other sometimes but he was a gluttonous when it came to you. Slowly but surely, time passed by with him being burried under the land of his unforgettable love with you. Like a wisteria tree, he remained rooted in your shallow soil as he hoped and grasped unto pieces of you that faded in his mind more and more until his art mirrored his heart. Hallow, empty, broken, and blank - it was reported on the news he was watching one moment ago that someone broke down in front of his painting entitled "The Inevitable Lane" where a shadow looms over the frozen rain, crystallizing like diamond and piercing the shadow to bleed under the street light of a gloomy afternoon, it was devoid of color as if his world without you. He couldn't look at them anymore, they remind him too much of how you colored his vision and his world. One moment he was a coffee painter, using brown as his medium - neutral, safe, and comfortable then suddenly like a super nova, an explosion of colorful hues dripping on his canvas as he looked at the world with you in it, 'til you left and here he was - caged in the pallet of balck and white, the only colors he knew of ever since.

That was why he thinks the media made such a big deal after his preview pieces for his next gallery was released. It was something the art world hasn't witnessed him do after being in the industry for almost ten years - he used color for the first time. Granted, the only color he used was your color, the color he associated with love, the color red. As the preparation for the gallery commensed, he released the official name and it drove his fans, the media, and even the unforgettable first love was. With it printed in black and red in a white piece of paper, it said "Words Unsaid To My Muse" - his final goodbye to the hope of loving you. It was a collection of things he wanted to tell you all throughout the years, he didn't notice when his heart stopped aching until he was in front of the finished final painting that would complete the journey of his pain, his longing, and his healing to you. 

     

He was ready to love you the moment you waltz in that one fine day, too bad the universe wasn't ready for your love in this lifetime.