Done With Us (The Sweetest Mistake)

Johnny tried to stay by your side, he really did. He played it by the book, kept it all interesting, played your games, and rode your rollercoaster love - he did it all and yet he was left all alone in an empty apartment. The very room that once screamed your presence is now left colorless and lifeless, just like him. There he sat in front of a huge portrait of you two in the center of this once shared space, going against any and all advice he got from his friends to take down all your photos from his walls. He couldn't bare it you know, being left homeless after his home walked out his door last night. He should've known when the sparkle in your eyes starts to dim whenever you look at him, that confused look in your eyes before you evaded his touch, heck even the hesitant kisses, he should've known that he was losing your love. He was used to your sudden winters you challenge his love with, the sudden chill on his spine often indicated them after all but nobody could've prepared him for this eternal thundra. 

To exist without you, Johnny has only been doing that for a day and for the first time in almost a year of certainty that you brought with you - he was utterly lost. All of his visions of the future had different versions of you but they were never void of his balance, his steady ground where his feet burry in. Now the winds have taken him afloat, he feels almost like he was floating numbly in a space that doesn't belong to him. He could still recite the way to your heart, he knew how to get to you which is now deemed useless. All the little things started to worsen the ache in his chest - his bear mug without your cat cup beside doesn't look right in his cupboards as it was now trashed into the bin, the broken pieces of porcelain digged into his palms as his blood dropped on the same marble tiles you both picked out together. Funny enough, he thought of how agitated you would be right now at the sight of the scarlet stain on the pristine floor or his bleeding hands. Ah, he shouldn't have imagined your warm touch gently healing him while your lips nag him lovingly. The lips that once gave him assurance, security, and warmth were also the same one that uttered his impending first death. 

The ache and bruising on his knees still remembers the past night's pain ever so clearly. From the moment he received the omnious text of "We have to talk", his heart couldn't placate in his chest with how erratic it was beating. He felt cold sweat starting to condense on his brows and hands as he shakily types a joke in hopes of a sign to calm him down but alas, you never gave it to him. The minutes that ticked on the custom clock with both your initials engraved turned felt like hours as the shiver he felt warn him of something, he tries to play it off by looking around his home for you or signs of you. The gag gift clock from both your friends, telling you both it was an advance wedding gift, the sweatshirt with your perfume, your tooth brush, anything gave him comfort until he opened his cabinet doors. The right side looks deserted, like there wasn't anything in them at all. Before he could delve into their meaning however, the doors to both of your unit opened as he hurriedly made his way to you. Expecting a warm hug, your welcome gesture to each other, he opened his arms only for you to flinch and walk past him hesitantly. 

"What's with the serious look baby? Did something bad happened? You even forgot-" he was cut of by the sight of a box in your hands. 

"Johnny. We need to talk, seat down here." you said, patting the seat in front of you with a level headed and cold voice. He's never heard you speak to him that way before. 

"You, uhm, It's okay. I'm fine standing here." Stubborn. He was always as stubborn as you, one of the things you used to love about him.

"Johnny, please." exasperated, you sighed as you watch this 6ft tall man fidget his hands. A nervous habit you know. 

"You forgot to give me a hug. Can I get my hug first please?" he uttered taking slow steps towards you. 

You didn't give him that hug then nor will you ever again it dawned to him the moment your eyes couldn't even meet his as you sat straight, facing away from him. He didn't have a choice then but to take a seat in front of you, like an obedient dog with his ears down and his eyes searching for yours. 

"I'm sorry, Johnny." you finally said after seconds of silence, your hands clasped tight together. 

"What are you sorry for baby? It's alright, we can work it out. Just tell me" his voice coaxing you to him. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to tell this any other way." relucantly, you stared at him, "I, I don't think I love you anymore." 

Like a dagger to the heart, Johnny gelt his breathe hitch. The air being knowcked out of him as his mind tried to grasp your words. 

"What? What do you mean? I don't understand, Chrissha. We were just together yesterday, we were happy. What, how-" confusion was visible in both his tone and face, his hands deperately trying to grasp yours in an attempt to keep you close. 

"I don't know how it happened. I just, everything's changed can't you see? I know you can feel how I-" you were unsure how to continue as you let him hold you, when he cut you off. 

"No. Nothing's changed, we, we were happy. You just told me you love me yesterday! No!" his voice starting to quiver, his grip tightened. 

"I tried, I swear I did. I loved you, you know that and I was so confused yesterday too when I didn't feel anything when I told you I loved you. I think, I think I don't have anything left to give you anymore." slowly, your hands leave his as tears started to gather in his eyes. 

"It's alright baby I can take over now, yeah? I know you're tired and I, I can fix it all! Please, don't let, no, we can fix it still! I can give you everything, you don't have to do anything, just stay with me please." he hopelessly he went closer to you, only to get rejected again when you stood up. 

"That's not fair to you, John nor is it fair for me. I can't keep doing this cycle with you of leaving and staying anymore. You're right I'm tired, I'm tired of pretending I still love you the same. We changed, I know you can see and feel it. There is no use denying it, I don't want to hurt you more than I know I am right now. I think, no, we should break up. I'm sorry." you collected your pouch and turned towards the door, fully intending to leave him after saying those words. 

"Chrissha, wait. Fuck, wait!" he caught your wrist, his knees buckling down as his strength leave him and just like Samson, he too fell to his knees before you, his Delilah. 

"This is not fair, I haven't even said anything! You can't leave me like this please. I'll stop the leaving, I thought that was what you wanted. I thought, no, it doesn't matter what I thought. Please, take it back. Tell me you're not tired of me yet, tell me you love me still please. I'll do anything, just tell me what you want, just stay with me please. I, I don't know how to be without you anymore." his tears are now falling freely like a river, he cried for you. 

"I'm sorry. Please let me go." your cries are now echoing with his in this grey room. His weakness, your tears, now the final blow in his seemingly fragile figure had his arms slowly loosen, his embrace around your thighs slid down until he was only left in his knees. A defeated man shaking as he violently sobbed calling for your name in every step you take towards the door. Hearts breaking in pieces, you left him in the night. He was left drowning. Alone, he was without you.

A loud ringing of his phone broke him of his teary reminiscence. His hands eagerly searched for it, false hope of everything being a dream still fileld his chest only to be disappointed to see his friend, Yuta, calling him. Answering the call with a false pretense of happiness, not wanting to let your departure be known yet to everybody. He didn't expect his best friend, his confidant, and brother to kill him the second time with his nervous honesty and guilt present in his tone. The phone in his hand dropped unto the floor, crashing into the glass table, an echo of the impact was the only sound heard. 

"Johnny, It's about Issha. She's leaving. Fuck, she just told me she's in the airport boarding right now. What the hell? Do you know this? Emeri's not telling me anything. Why is she saying good bye and apologizing? Johnny? Hello?" 

Oh Chrissha, his sweetest mistake and his wasted love. How could your love be real if you can leave him lifeless, crying, and cursing your name to the wind as you flew skies away from him?