His Star

If there was one thing Johnny Suh was sure about, it was you. Right from the first moment your eyes met, there was a shift in his world. He felt the balance under his feet become unsteady in every play of push and pull you both engaged in. It was fun for him, the thrill of the push and the danger of the pull like children playing on the edge of a river a tendency to have unpredictable violent currrent. You both were having fun together with your combined laughter ringing in the whatever room you both enter and the stolen glances full of hidden messages only the two of you can decipher - a language you both spoke fluently. It was all just that at first, until he was captured. 

The casual teasing tension was abandoned in favor of a dangerous game, seemingly the same old tale of the predator and the prey until the table turn on him. Suddenly he was the one holding his breathe in every touch of your skin against his, he was the one shivering as your breathe fans against his neck as you whisper as you both are molded together by the sweaty university students in frat parties, he became the haunted prey. A hilarious picture this was to anyone watching, a 6ft+ man avoiding a raging 5'7 woman demanding an explanation for the sudden ghosting he did. He was afraid you see, the hold you had unto him was unknown to him. He didn't know how or when but one night, while he was listening to your late night rants about an upcoming movie or series, he knew. He was captured, he has fallen in your arms. 

The fear of the unknown was proven to be for naught much to his delight and surprise. After almost three days of avoiding you (yes, he only lasted for three days), he finally had the enough courage to face you. Low and behold the Chrissha Quinto, who's very scent follow in his dreams, fell from her thrown of thorns into his welcoming arms that Saturday night of September 23rd. The day he branded as his and his heart's love birth or anniversary as normal people (non-jonhnny) would say. The electricity that flowed through your skins touching remained the same only now, the questionable tension was replaced with heated kisses and fogged car windows. The melody of laughter stayed joyous but then, two worlds seemed to intertwine together creating a balance of banter and mushy, cringe-worthy romcom one liners from both parties. He has fallen in your arms, he didn't know how your warmth could feel like home. 

The more serious the relationship between the two of you became, the more he planned. See even if it wasn't obvious fromt he first glance, Johnny Suh was a slave to his plans - from the start of his college experience to the grades he will achieve, all of it was already written down using his "manifesting pen" in his mystery black journal. Throughout the months you were with him, you only caught a glance of said journal when he showed them to you after three months of being together, his skittish movements indicating his hesitance like a stray wondering if a stranger is worth knowing. For the first time, he unlocked a secret pathway only he has the map and key to - he shared his inner desires, thoughts, plans, and dreams with you that afternoon. The orange hue of the impending evening started to paint the skies and yet you both stayed seated, shoulders touching with your arms wrapped one another in an intricate origami, cheeks flushed with your eyes twinkling as he looked down at you in his arms. He didn't know how your warmth could feel like home, blinding like a shining star - that's what you were. 

There are consequences to desiring a star so far from his galaxy, he learned it the hard way as he looked around one morning for your shine only to feel thunder clapping inside his head as he acknowledge the wide eyed observers around you. Clear skies could never last long in such a poluted and ever changing world. Like the cycle of the seasons, your love was the same as you passion burns in every touch and murmur, followed by the burning fury as you both breathe fire and suffer the injuries you both inflicted unto each other, then the freezing in the cold of the distance of enduring silence until finally the freezing winds force the distance to close and a flame will alit between you two. Such a tiring repeat of events, it was only a matter of time before the flame dies out permanently in the cold winters of your galaxies. Blinding like a shining star - that's what you were, your burn and freeze are the worst and best pleasures he ever felt. 

The ache of every word you say but the knowledge of your love being constant soothe every wound and burn in his skin. He wear your marks proudly, as though they were a permanent reminder of your love and you wear his marks like a badge of honor, you took pride in it the same way he does. Like an armour to all of the beasts charging in front of the both of you, you were both armed with a weapons of each other's strength and weakness and shielded by the love you surround yourselves with. When waging a war with the world for the shining star in your arms, you must be prepared for the pain and loss you will face. To keep a star is to burn with it, bask in its light and warmth, keep it from exploding into millions of fragments by being its gravity. But even if Johnny Suh was a smart man, he wasn't very knowledgeable with the physics of stars. Your burn and freeze are the worst and best pleasures he ever felt, he didn't know you could fall apart inside the pressure of his arms. 

It was small at first, the sign of a collapsing star. Just like the distance you started, the steps you took ahead, and the unanswered calls you left to be missed. As an observer, Johnny Suh saw how far you were from him. He tried his luck with enticing a celestial with the promises of continuing their cycles but another star sparkled in the corner of his eyes. He saw the brightness was not as blinding as his star but she wasn't as warm as you too and so even if his gaze wander for a moment, he remained fixed and loyal to only you. But in his absence, the distance grew wider until he had no other choice than to capture his star in his arms, thus the start of the second stage of the collapse - small misunderstandings, hidden emotions, and a defeaning silence getting heavier until the fights turned the supergiant star red. He was at a lost of words as the tighter you both held on, the wider the gap between the two of you became. He didn't know you could fall apart inside the pressure of his arms, the creation of a supernova - the beautiful death of a star. 

The disaster was a tragedy. Broken promises are the asteroids thrown into each other's orbit to harm and destroy the axis of trust. The months of endless restless bright light in the dark galaxy for one observer was tiring for you, dear star. Burning for him, warming his nights, and shining for his eyes - all burned you out of your light until all you had left was nothing but your hand on top of his doorknob, but you knew you would still miss him in your bones. But alas, every journey in the galaxy must end and as you sat him down holding his hand while you turn his worst fears into reality. Your death was his, he told you as you held unto him for the last time with your forheads resting together, swearing the love you had that fueled his galaxy was real. There was no blame tossed around, allthough there were whispers of longing, for you to stay, screamed into the night sky. The creation of a supernova - the beautiful death of a star, Johnny Suh remained with a black hole in his chest as he waits in another galaxy for a glimpse his lost star.